Wow. Hello hello hello everyone! It almost feels foreign in a way to be back on the blog, I feel like it’s been years even though I know it’s only been weeks. Weeks that have completely altered my life in every way. Weeks getting to know my beautiful new son. Weeks that have genuinely changed me more than I thought possible.
I have been planning on writing for about a week or two now… but as expected, your plans change constantly with a little one thrown in the mix so I’ve just been going with the flow haha. But this week my little love bug turned one month old and I started really reflecting on the past few weeks. So much to process. I can’t believe how much Mike and I have already learned in such a short time, I can’t even fathom how much we still have yet to discover. Bring it on!
So far, here are a few little tidbits I’ve found to be true:
There have been so many adjustments and changes and yet, each day comes and goes and you get through it together. You know what? Get through it sounds negative, no, you soak it up, and try to enjoy as much as you can! For example, when your child spits up all over mom, then proceeds to poop through his onesie onto mom, then as dad takes child into his room to change him, the child then proceeds to projectile pee all over dad, all within a 5 minute span, you can’t help but hysterically laugh with each other over the sheer insanity of the moment. And be super grateful that it was mid-afternoon on a Saturday and not 2 a.m. haha.
Although much of this sweet new time of life has been beautiful, there have been a few things that have been particularly challenging for me. I’m learning all sorts of lessons (and I imagine this will continue for the rest of my life as a mom) but the number one lesson I have been trying to let sink deep into my heart is to trust the Lord and refuse to dwell in fear.
I am not a naturally fearful person, trusting God is typically one of my automatic responses in situations. But let me tell you, ever since getting pregnant, but specifically since Noah arrived, any and every little thing I could fear regarding my family has emerged and attacked me at one point or another. Mostly related to the health and safety of my baby, it is so unbelievably hard to not let fear overtake me.
But I refuse to live in fear. I refuse to sit in something that goes against my God’s very being.
I have taken to a new method to help battle this potentially debilitating attack from Satan. When I begin to think in fear or anxiety, I immediately pray against that very thought. I lift my eyes to Christ. And, if the fear is really gripping me, I read the Psalms until my heart begins to find peace.
Then I repeat what I know to be true.
My God is not a God of fear. And he does not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, of love and of self-discipline. He is my refuge. My help in times of trouble. He knows the plans he has for me, and the plans he has for Noah. Plans to prosper him and not to harm him. Plans to give him a hope and a future.
Over and over the scriptures come to mind and begin to heal the fractures fear has pierced into my heart. I can’t control everything that happens to my family. I simply can’t. But you know what I can do? I can stand in the gap and fight for my family by praying and speaking life over them. And let me tell you, that weapon is a powerful one. It has carried me through some challenging moments already.
The first few minutes Noah was taken out of me by C-section, we couldn’t hear him crying. In fact, Mike told me afterwards that when he looked at him, he was completely limp and pale in the nurse’s arms. I kept looking to my husband for any clue as to what was happening. That’s when I started hearing the nurses calling out for the NICU doctors to come help and the stress level in the room matched the expression on Mike’s face. I had no idea what was happening. But I knew something wasn’t right. Turned out, Noah had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck which was causing problems, but then to top it off, he had meconium in his lungs. Praise the Lord for doctors and nurses, they did what they do best and took care of him. After only a few minutes (that felt like an eternity) he was completely healthy and back to normal. But I’ll tell you what, the fear that started to grip my heart in those moments not only nearly swallowed me at the time, but it continued to linger for quite some time after the delivery. I didn’t want him to leave my side. If I’m being honest, I still don’t haha. But day by day, God has replaced the anxiety and fear with peace and comfort. He is my refuge and my strength.
This morning, I was reading Psalms 27 and it reminded me of God’s grace and protection over my life.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble… Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” – Psalm 27:1,14 NLT
It can be so easy to let your fears overtake you. What will my future bring? What if this does or doesn’t happen for me? What’s going to happen next? We can’t know the future, so all we have is the present moment. And that can be scary. But God doesn’t leave us there. In fact, He calls us out of that mindset and says to focus on Him instead. All of this is easier said than done, but just like anything else, step by step it gets easier and before you know it, it becomes a habit of your heart.
I’ve only had one month with this sweet boy. One month and yet this is a massive lesson God is working on in me. But I am not ignorant in believing that opportunities to fear will not increase as he grows… I know that I will always have moments where I will need to choose what I will dwell in. Anxieties or scriptures. Fears or truths. Satan or my Jesus! I guess, if practice makes perfect, it’s a pretty good thing that I’m beginning to learn this now because Lord knows I’m going to need all the practice I can get.
Whatever you’re facing right now, whatever you may be fearful of or doubting, pick it up and lay it down at the cross. It’s the best place to leave your struggles and just look up towards Jesus. He will always be there. You choose what you dwell in. Grab your Bible and make yourself read the scriptures. Let them wash over you. Play some worship music. Fill your life with things of God until it drowns out anything not from Him.
I hope you are all doing so well, I am so excited to continue to share these things the Lord is teaching me, I hope it encourages you in whatever you are going through in your own life. Everyone is going through something so it’s always better to share and uplift each other and remind one another to look toward the light of Christ.
Thank you for reading!